What To Say (And Not Say) To Someone Receiving Care

Mar 3

Key Takeaways:

Words Matter: The things we say can make people feel happy or sad, so it’s important to use kind words that help and support others.
Kind Actions Count: Doing nice things, like helping someone or listening when they need to talk, shows that you care and can make a big difference.
Be Yourself and Be Kind: You don’t have to say the perfect thing—just be honest and speak with kindness to show you care.

When someone you care about is receiving care—whether for an illness, injury, or challenging life event—it can be hard to know what to say. The right words can provide comfort and support, while the wrong ones, even if said by accident, may cause hurt or frustration. It’s not just about what you say, but also how you listen and show you care through your actions.

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Caregivers can join at any time, work at their own pace, and participate whenever they want. Each group is made up of 30 caregivers who connect through weekly lessons, discussion boards, and one-on-one conversations, offering one another tips and support for their personal caregiving challenges.

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– Building Better Caregivers Participant

Why Your Words Matter

When someone is receiving care, whether they’re sick, injured, or going through a tough time, the words you say can have a big impact. Kind and thoughtful words can make someone feel loved, understood, and supported. On the other hand, careless or hurtful words might make them feel sad or even worse about their situation.

Think about how you’d feel if you were in their shoes. Would you want to hear encouraging and kind words, or things that make you feel worse? That’s why it’s important to think before you speak and choose your words carefully.

What To Say To Someone Receiving Care

When talking to someone receiving care, it’s important to be kind, encouraging, and understanding. Here are some things you can say that might help them feel better:

"I’m here for you." This lets them know they’re not alone.
"You’re so strong." This can remind them of their inner strength.
"How can I help?" Offering to help shows you care and are willing to support them.
"It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling." This helps them know their emotions are valid.
"I’m thinking of you." A simple reminder that they are in your thoughts can mean a lot.

It’s also okay to keep it simple. Sometimes, saying “I’m here, and I care about you” is enough.

What To Avoid Saying

Just as there are kind and supportive things to say, there are also things to avoid. Some words, even if meant well, can hurt or make the person feel worse. Here are a few examples of what not to say:

"I know exactly how you feel." Even if you’ve gone through something similar, everyone’s experience is different.
"At least it’s not worse." This can make them feel like their pain or situation isn’t important.
"You’ll get over it soon." While it’s good to be positive, this might sound dismissive of their feelings.
"Everything happens for a reason." Not everyone finds comfort in this idea, and it might feel insensitive in the moment.
"You should try [advice they didn’t ask for]." Unwanted advice can make them feel pressured or misunderstood.
“This is just your new normal.” This is also dismissive of their feelings and condition. Many people don’t find this comforting because they don’t want a ‘new normal’, they want their life back the way they remember it.

The goal is to focus on being empathetic, not dismissive. If you’re unsure, it’s okay to simply say, “I’m here to listen.”

Simple Ways To Show You Care

Sometimes, actions can speak louder than words. You may be taking care of someone who cannot communicate in return or understand when you speak. Whether that is true or not, here are simple ways to show someone receiving care that you truly care about them:

Send a card or a message. A thoughtful note can brighten their day.
Bring them something comforting. This could be a favorite snack, a cozy blanket, or a small gift.
Help with daily tasks. Offer to do things like grocery shopping, cooking, or cleaning.
Spend time with them. Even sitting quietly together can mean a lot.
Respect their space. Sometimes, giving them room to rest and recover is the most caring thing you can do.

These small gestures can make a big difference and show that you’re thinking of them without putting pressure on them to respond.

How To Be A Good Listener

Being a good listener is one of the best ways to support someone receiving care. Here’s how you can do it:

Give them your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone and focus on them.
Let them talk at their own pace. Don’t rush them to share more than they want to.
Show you care. Say things like, “That sounds really tough,” to let them know you understand.
Don’t interrupt. Let them finish their thoughts before you speak.
Use body language. Nod, make eye contact, and sit facing them to show you’re engaged.

Sometimes, listening is more important than trying to “fix” their problems. Just being there can mean the world.

When You’re Not Sure What To Say

It’s okay to admit when you’re unsure of what to say. Sometimes, just being honest and present is enough. Here are some ideas for those moments:

"I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you." This shows you care, even if you don’t have the perfect words.
"I’m here to listen if you want to talk." Letting them know you’re available can be comforting.
"Would you like some company?" Offering your presence can be more helpful than you think.
"You’re in my thoughts." A simple, heartfelt message can go a long way.

Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, your quiet support and kindness speak louder than words.

Asking About The Sickness Itself

When someone is sick, you might want to ask about their illness, but it’s important to be kind and respectful. Some people don’t mind talking about it, while others may not want to share too much. The best thing you can do is let them decide if they want to talk and listen when they do.

What You Can Say

If you want to ask about their sickness, use gentle words and give them a choice to share. Try saying:

“Do you feel like talking about how you’re doing?” This lets them decide if they want to talk.
“I know this is a tough time—how are you feeling?” This shows you care without asking too many details.
“I’m here if you ever want to talk.” This reminds them you’re there to listen if they need to.

If they do talk about their sickness, listen and be kind. You can say things like “That sounds really hard,” or “Thank you for telling me.”

What You Should Avoid Saying

Some questions can make the person feel uncomfortable or upset. Try not to say:

“What exactly is wrong with you?” This might feel too personal or nosy.
“Are you getting better?” Some sicknesses don’t have a clear answer, and this question might make them feel pressured.
“Have you tried this medicine?” They are already getting care, and giving advice might not be helpful.
“Just stay positive!” While it sounds nice, it might make them feel like they’re not allowed to be sad or worried.

The best thing to do is let them decide what they want to share. If they don’t want to talk about their sickness, that’s okay! Just being a kind friend and spending time with them can help them feel better. And if they need to cry, let them cry. Let them know it is ok to cry and you are there for them.

Final Thoughts

Helping someone who is sick or needs care doesn’t have to be hard. The best thing you can do is be kind, listen, and show that you care. Even small words and actions can make them feel better.

Remember to choose your words thoughtfully, avoid saying things that might accidentally hurt, and show you care through simple gestures. And when you’re unsure, just being there and offering a listening ear can mean more than you realize.

Everyone appreciates support in their own way, so do your best to be understanding and patient. By showing love and care, you can help brighten their day and remind them that they’re not alone.

Frequently Asked Questions About What To Say To Someone Receiving Care

Why should I be careful about what I say to someone who is sick or getting care?

Words can help someone feel better, but they can also accidentally make them feel worse. If someone isn’t feeling well, they might already be sad or worried, so it’s important to say kind and supportive things to help them feel valued and cared for.

What are some mistakes people make when talking to someone who is sick?

Some people give advice when it’s not asked for, compare their situation to others, or say things like, “At least it’s not worse,” which can make the person feel like their feelings don’t matter. Instead, it’s best to listen and offer support without trying to “fix” the situation.

How can I show I care if I don’t know the person very well?

Even small gestures can mean a lot! You can send a kind message like, “I hope you feel better soon,” or give them a simple gift like a card or flowers to brighten their day. Just showing that you’re thinking about them can make a difference.

What if I say something that makes them upset?

If you accidentally say something that hurts their feelings, just say you’re sorry and let them know you didn’t mean to upset them. It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you’re kind and try to understand how they feel.

Are there nice things I can say that are always okay?

Yes! Saying things like, “I’m here for you,” “I care about you,” or “You’re in my thoughts” are always safe and kind. These words show support without being too personal or making the person feel uncomfortable. Hugs also work if you know the person is accepting of them.

Is it okay to ask about their sickness or how they’re feeling?

It depends on the person. Some people like to talk about it, while others don’t. A good way to ask is, “How are you feeling today?” so they can decide how much they want to share.

Can I make jokes to cheer them up?

Sometimes humor can help, but you have to be careful. If they like to laugh and seem in a good mood, a lighthearted joke might be okay. But if they seem sad or tired, it’s better to just be kind and supportive.

What if they don’t feel like talking?

That’s okay! Just let them know you’re there if they ever want to talk. Sometimes, just sitting with someone or sending a nice message without asking questions can make them feel cared for.

What can I do if I can’t visit them in person?

You can send a text, make a video call, or even mail a small gift or letter. Letting them know you’re thinking of them, even from far away, can help them feel less alone.

How can I make sure I don’t sound awkward or fake?

Just be yourself and speak from the heart. You don’t have to find the perfect words—what matters most is that you are kind and truly mean what you say.

Maggie Reed