Understanding Anger and Frustration in Veterans: A Guide for Caregivers

Feb 27

Navigating Aggression Or Agitation In Veterans What Caregivers Need To Know

Key Takeaways:

Helpful Tips for Caregivers: Find simple ways to handle and prevent anger or frustration in veterans.
Why Veterans May Feel Upset: Learn what can cause agitation, like past trauma or health problems.
Where to Find Support: Discover helpful services and tools for both veterans and caregivers to manage emotions better.

Taking care of a veteran can be very special, but it can also be hard, especially if they feel angry or upset. These feelings might come from past experiences, health problems, or the struggle of adjusting to everyday life. Caregivers who understand why this happens and learn how to help can make a big difference in keeping things calm and supportive. Joining a caregiver workshop can provide useful tips, support, and resources to help navigate these challenges with confidence. Here’s one to consider:

Building Better CaregiversⓇ is a six-week online program designed to support and empower caregivers of veterans.. It offers education and support in a convenient, online setting. We understand the difficulties and challenges of being a caregiver to a veteran,, that’s why we offer Building Better Caregivers as a tool to help make life a little easier for caregivers and less isolating.

Caregivers can join at any time, work at their own pace, and participate whenever they want. Each group is made up of 30 caregivers who connect through weekly lessons, discussion boards, and one-on-one conversations, offering one another tips and support for their personal caregiving challenges.

The program is led by trained staff members many of whom have been caregivers themselves. These leaders guide discussions, share personalized resources, and keep workshops safe and supportive.

Building Better Caregivers has been recognized as a proven program by the Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging and the Family Caregiving Alliance.

“It was very helpful to learn things I might not have known and get tips and support from the others in the group. It helps just knowing there is someone who knows what you’re going through and can offer helpful tips, not just listen.”

– Building Better Caregivers Participant

Why Do Veterans Experience Anger And Frustration

Veterans may feel anger and frustration for many reasons, often tied to their experiences in service and the challenges they face afterward. Understanding these causes can help caregivers provide the right support and create a calm environment.

Trauma From Military Service

Many veterans have faced life-threatening situations or witnessed events that left deep emotional scars. These experiences often lead to conditions like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), where memories or certain triggers can cause intense feelings of anger, fear, or distress, making it hard to remain calm or grounded.

Difficulty Coming Back To Normal Life

The military has a strict routine and clear rules, which can feel very different from the more unpredictable life outside of service. When veterans return to civilian life, they might feel out of place or like others don’t understand them. This can make them feel frustrated, irritated, or even angry as they try to adjust to their new way of living.

Physical Health Issues

Veterans often live with lasting pain, injuries, or health problems from their time in the military, like brain injuries or trouble moving around. These physical challenges can make it harder for them to do everyday activities and may leave them feeling frustrated or upset. When they feel like their body isn’t working the way it used to, it can add to their stress and make them more restless or irritable.

Stress Or Anxiety

Many veterans deal with a lot of stress from everyday problems, like keeping good relationships with family, handling money, or finding a steady job. These challenges can feel overwhelming, especially when mixed with past trauma or injuries. When everything builds up, it can make them feel frustrated, restless, or even angry.

Signs To Watch For As A Caregiver

As a caregiver, it’s important to recognize early signs of frustration and anger. Identifying these behaviors allows you to respond in the best way possible, which can stop the situation from getting worse. Below are some common signs to look out for:

Changes In Behavior

A veteran might start pacing back and forth or have trouble sitting still for a long time. These changes in behavior can be a sign that they are feeling upset or uncomfortable but don’t know how to say it.

Raised Voice Or Harsh Tone

Talking louder, using an angry voice, or getting frustrated easily during conversations can be a sign that a veteran is feeling upset. This change in how they speak is often their way of letting out stress or frustration.

Tense Body Language

Watch for signs like clenched fists, a tight jaw, or a stiff posture, which can mean a veteran is feeling more tense. These small changes often happen before they say or show that they are upset.

Overreacting To Things

A veteran might get very upset over small problems that wouldn’t usually bother them. This can happen when they feel overwhelmed or have trouble handling their emotions.

Taking Themselves Out Of Situations

Some veterans may not show anger but instead choose to stay away from others and avoid talking. This can be their way of handling stress, but over time, it might make them feel even more frustrated or upset.

How Can Caregivers Respond To Anger And Frustration?

When a veteran starts to show signs of anger and frustration, your response can make a big difference. Here are steps to help you handle the situation calmly and safely:

Stay Calm: Keep your voice soft and steady, even if the veteran is upset. Your calm energy can help them feel safer.
Give Them Space: If they seem overwhelmed, step back and allow them room to breathe. Crowding them may make things worse.
Listen Without Judging: Sometimes, they just need someone to hear them out. Avoid arguing or correcting them during this time.
Use Simple Words: Speak in a clear and kind way. Saying complicated things or talking too quickly might make them more confused.
Remove Triggers: If something in the environment is causing the problem, like loud noises or bright lights, try to adjust or remove it.

Remember, it’s not about “fixing” their emotions but helping them feel supported and understood.

Tips For Preventing Outbursts And Building Trust

Stopping anger or frustration before it starts is easier when veterans feel safe and supported. Here are some simple ways to help:

Have a Daily Routine: Doing things at the same time each day can help veterans feel comfortable and less worried.
Talk Clearly: Let them know what’s happening so they aren’t surprised. Small updates can help them feel calm.
Be Patient: It takes time to build trust. Show you care by being kind and understanding.
Promote Healthy Choices: Exercise, good food, and enough sleep can help them feel better and less upset.
Notice What Upsets Them: Pay attention to things that make them angry or frustrated, and try to avoid or lessen them.
Encourage Good Behavior: Praise them when they stay calm or handle stress well so they feel encouraged to keep doing it.

Gaining trust and making a peaceful space takes time, but small, consistent efforts can make a big difference.

When To Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, a veteran’s anger or frustration can be too much to handle alone. It’s important to know when to ask for extra help. Here are some signs that a professional might be needed:

Frequent or Strong Outbursts: If they get angry often or in a way that feels unsafe, a professional can help them find better ways to cope.
Risk of Harm: If the veteran or someone else might get hurt, getting help right away is very important.
Shutting Others Out: If they stop talking and won’t open up, a counselor or therapist might help them feel safe enough to share.
Feeling Overwhelmed as a Caregiver: If taking care of them feels too hard or stressful, it’s okay to ask for help. Your health matters, too.

You can talk to a doctor, therapist, or veterans’ support group for advice. They have tools and ideas to help both the veteran and their caregiver. Building Better CaregiversⓇ , a program for caregivers caring for veterans, can help.

Support Resources For Caregivers

As a caregiver, you don’t have to handle everything on your own. There are many resources available to help you and the veteran:

Veterans Affairs (VA): The VA offers programs like counseling, caregiver support, and medical services specifically for veterans.
Caregiver Support Groups: Connecting with others who understand your situation can provide emotional support and helpful advice.
Hotlines: The Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988, then press 1) is available 24/7 for emergencies or advice.
Online Resources: Websites like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or the VA’s caregiver page offer guides, tips, and connections to local services. Online workshops, such as Building Better CaregiversⓇ, can also be a helpful resource.
Professional Counseling: Therapists who specialize in veterans’ issues can help both you and the veteran figure out strategies.

Remember, needing help doesn’t mean you’re not doing a good job—it shows you care enough to find the best solutions for both you and the veteran.

Final Thoughts

Taking care of a veteran who feels angry or upset can be hard, but it’s important to remember that their feelings often come from pain, stress, or past experiences. Staying calm, being patient, and using the tips in this article can help make things better for both of you.

If you ever need help, don’t be afraid to ask—there are doctors, support groups, and other resources that can help. Caregiving takes kindness and strength, but with the right support, you can help the veteran while also making sure you take care of yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions About Understanding Anger And Frustration In Veterans

Why do some veterans get angry or upset easily?

Veterans have been through a lot, and sometimes their feelings get too big to handle. They might feel stressed, sad, or frustrated because of things that happened in the past or because they are in pain.

What can I do to help a veteran who is feeling upset?

Try to stay calm and be patient. Let them know you care and want to help. Sometimes just listening and giving them space can make a big difference.

Are there signs that a veteran is about to get angry?

Yes. They might start pacing, clenching their fists, talking loudly, or looking really tense. These signs can mean they are feeling upset and need help calming down.

What should I not say when a veteran is upset?

Try not to tell them to "calm down" or "stop overreacting." These words can make them feel worse. Instead, let them know you understand they are upset and ask how you can help.

Can veterans get help to feel better?

Yes. There are doctors, counselors, and support groups that help veterans deal with stress and anger. They can learn ways to feel better and stay calm.

What if I feel scared when a veteran gets upset?

If you ever feel unsafe, step away and get help from another adult. Your safety is important, too. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

Can veterans learn how to control their anger?

Yes. With support and practice, veterans can learn ways to manage their anger. Things like talking to someone, exercising, or taking deep breaths can help them feel calmer.

How can I help a veteran get support?

You can gently suggest talking to a doctor or joining a support group. Let them know that getting help doesn’t mean they are weak—it just means they are working on feeling better.

What if a veteran refuses help?

Sometimes veterans don’t want help right away, and that’s okay. Keep being kind and patient. Let them know you are there for them when they are ready.

Maggie Reed