How To Talk To A Veteran Loved One About Accepting Help

Feb 28

Key Takeaways:

Why Asking for Help is Hard: Veterans are used to being strong and independent, so they might feel uncomfortable asking for help or worry about what others will think.
Why Kindness Matters: Being patient, kind, and offering helpful ideas can make it easier for them to accept support.
Where to Find Help: Veterans have many places to turn for support, like counseling, support groups, and online resources made just for them.

Talking to a veteran about getting help can be hard, but it’s an important way to show you care. Veterans go through many challenges, like adjusting to life after the military or dealing with injuries or tough memories from their service. Some veterans don’t like asking for help because they think it means they aren’t strong. But if you are kind, patient, and talk to them in the right way, you can help them feel supported and understood.

If you are a caregiver for a veteran, you can also get helpful advice and support by joining a caregiver workshop. Here is one to consider:

Building Better CaregiversⓇ is a six-week online program designed to support and empower caregivers of veterans. It offers education and support in a convenient, online setting. We understand the difficulties and challenges of being a caregiver to a veteran, that’s why we offer Building Better Caregivers as a tool to help make life a little easier for caregivers and less isolating.

Caregivers can join at any time, work at their own pace, and participate whenever they want. Each group is made up of 30 caregivers caring for veterans who connect through weekly lessons, discussion boards, and one-on-one conversations, offering one another tips and support for their personal caregiving challenges. If the veteran you are caring for is receiving benefits from the VA, this program may be free to you.

The program is led by trained staff members many of whom have been caregivers themselves. These leaders guide discussions, share personalized resources, and keep workshops safe and supportive.

Building Better Caregivers has been recognized as a proven program by the Benjamin Rose Institute on Aging and the Family Caregiving Alliance.

“It was very helpful to learn things I might not have known and get tips and support from the others in the group. It helps just knowing there is someone who knows what you’re going through and can offer helpful tips, not just listen.”

– Building Better Caregivers Participant

Why It’s Important To Talk About Accepting Help

Veterans go through many challenges after leaving the military, like getting used to everyday life, healing from injuries, or thinking about tough memories from their service. Getting help can make their lives better, but they might not always ask for it. Talking to them about support is important because it shows you care and want them to be happy and healthy. This conversation can help them feel less alone and more understood, which can be the first step toward feeling better.

Understand Where They Are Coming From

Before talking to a veteran about getting help, think about how they might be feeling. Veterans are taught to be strong and take care of themselves, so asking for help might feel strange or even like they are not strong enough. They might also be afraid that others won’t understand them or will judge them. Try to learn about what they’ve been through so you can talk to them with kindness. When they see that you truly understand and respect their feelings, they may be more open to listening.

Choose The Right Time And Place

Picking the right time and place is important when talking about something serious. Try to talk when your loved one is calm and not busy or stressed. Find a quiet, comfortable spot where you can talk in private so they feel safe to share their thoughts. Avoid bringing it up when they are upset or in the middle of something important. When you create a calm and caring space, it shows them that this conversation matters and that you truly care about how they feel.

Start With Kindness And Care

When you talk to a veteran about getting help, start with kindness. Let them know you care about them and want them to feel their best. You can say things like, "I’ve noticed you’ve been going through a lot, and I want to help" or "I care about you and just want to make sure you’re okay." Try not to sound bossy or make them feel bad. Instead, listen to how they feel and remind them that it’s okay to be honest with you. This will help them feel safe and understood.

Focus On Their Strengths, Not Weaknesses

When talking about getting help, remind them of how strong they are instead of focusing on their struggles. Let them know how brave and resourceful they’ve been in the past. You could say something like, “You’ve been through so much, and you’ve always found a way to handle tough times. Getting help could make things even better for you.” This way, they see asking for help as a way to grow stronger, not as a weakness.

Explain How Help Can Make Life Better

Sometimes, veterans may not realize how getting help could make their life easier. Give them examples of how support could make a positive difference. You could say, “Talking to someone about what you’re going through might help you feel less stressed” or “Getting help with daily tasks could give you more time and energy for things you enjoy.” Focus on how help can improve their life instead of making it seem like something needs to be "fixed." This can make the idea of accepting help feel more comfortable and useful.

Offer Specific Types Of Help

Instead of simply telling them to “get help,” give them specific options to think about. You can mention things like counseling, support groups, or assistance with daily tasks. For example, you might say, “Would it help to talk to a counselor who understands what you’ve been through?” or “There are groups for veterans where people share their experiences—it could be comforting to connect with others who get it.” When you offer clear choices, accepting help feels less scary and easier to do.

Be Patient And Keep The Conversation Open

Talking about getting help can take time. Your loved one might not be ready to say yes right away, and that’s okay. Be patient and let them think about it in their own time. Keep the conversation open by checking in and reminding them that you’re always there to support them. You could say, “I know this is a lot to think about, but I’m here whenever you want to talk more.” By being kind and supportive, you help them feel safe and encourage them to reach out when they’re ready.

Final Thoughts

Talking to a veteran about getting help can be a sensitive but important conversation. By thinking about how they feel, picking a good time and place, and speaking with kindness, you can make them feel safe and understood. Focus on their strengths, suggest specific ways they can get support, and give them time to think about it. Your patience and care can help them feel supported and confident in taking steps toward a happier, healthier life.

Frequently Asked Questions About Talking To A Veteran About Accepting Help

Why do veterans sometimes not want help?

Veterans are taught to be strong and independent, so asking for help might feel like they are not strong enough. They might also worry that others won’t understand or that they will be judged.

How can I tell if a veteran I love needs help?

Pay attention to changes in how they act or feel. If they stop doing things they used to enjoy, have trouble with daily tasks, or seem really stressed, they might need support.

What kind of help is available for veterans?

Veterans can get help from special programs, like doctor visits, counseling, support groups, and money for certain needs.

What should I not say when talking to a veteran about help?

Try not to sound bossy or make them feel bad. Saying things like “Just be stronger” or “You’re not trying hard enough” can make them feel worse and not want to talk.

How can I help a veteran without making them feel like a burden?

Let them know they are not alone. Say things like, “Let’s figure this out together” or “I’d love to help you with this.” This makes them feel supported instead of pressured.

Should I suggest group help or one-on-one support?

It depends on what makes them feel comfortable. Some veterans like talking to a counselor in private, while others prefer being in a group with people who understand their experiences.

What if a veteran doesn’t want to talk about what they’ve been through?

Give them space and time. Let them know you’re there for them, and as they trust you more, they might feel safer sharing their feelings.

Can I ask other family members to help with this conversation?

Yes, but only if the veteran is okay with it. Having family around can show them they are loved, but too many people at once might make them feel overwhelmed.

Are there online ways for veterans to get help?

Yes! Veterans can talk to counselors, join support groups, or find helpful information online if they don’t want to go in person.

What if my loved one still doesn’t want help?

Be patient and keep showing kindness. Sometimes it takes time before they feel ready, and knowing you care can make a big difference.

Maggie Reed